Is Vanilla Really the Only Flavour?
Since man (and woman) first came to exist on this earth, not a single person is born with the same characteristics. Even identical twins tend to differ in personality, with often diverse and sometimes opposing personalities.
Studies have shown that men are attracted to a certain type of woman and that women are also drawn towards men with particular characteristics. However, these studies have also concluded that the reasons are mostly due to the biological needs of the human species.
In fact, almost every living species of plant or animal strives to ensure the future of their species continues. So, whether it’s about being the biggest, the brightest, the tallest or the smallest, diversity produces the variety that we see today. It also ensures that we survive, as a species and provides safeguards against a singular domination, by a specific type.
Diversity or Monotone Revenues?
In terms of sex, fantasy and the relatively simple notion of attraction, diversity is crucial. The issue may be that many of those producing the everyday imagery, concentrate solely on their own preferences.
If for example a survey suggests that 40% of the revenues produced by a service come from people seeking blondes with big breasts, does this mean that all your content should be of this genre? Of course not! Being diverse means catering for the many, rather for the few. The other 60% is actually made up of the majority and whilst it may involve more work in the short term, it brings huge dividends long term.
Daring to be Different
BBW, GND, MILF, PS, Asian, Short, Hirsute, Bald, HW, Lesbian, or Teen. Just one of a myriad of ‘labels’ we give to individuals to try and describe why we feel them to be different to something called ‘normal’. Of course ‘normal’ is always in the eye of the beholder. Everyone sees things differently and that includes how we look at other people.
Some may consider a size 12 model overweight; others think she is seductively curvy. Another may find a petite size 6 extremely attractive, whilst someone else calls her skinny.
Fashion does have a hand in all this, with the ever changing vision of what is supposedly ‘perfection’. The reality of course, is that we are all being fed images where someone else has made the decision as to what is the current ‘cream of the crop’.
Should advertisers be more responsible?
Sadly, with advertising at its most prominent, these impressions are readily available wherever we look and also to impressionable youngsters, who are way too young to understand the current marketing strategies.
We see girls as young as 5 wanting to copy the look of the latest female pop stars or influencers. They have already decided the body image they want to strive for and find it almost impossible to accept the body they have. By the time they reach their early teens, they are already struggling with mental health problems. Many feeling they have failed and are shunned by the rest of society.
Some may argue that parents should be more responsible for their children and restrict internet and TV access. However, these images are all around us and it would be very difficult to ensure their children were not subjected to this kind of imagery, day in and day out.
In fact, it would make much more sense if society as a whole were to accept responsibility for the upbringing of the future generations. Every generation should be accountable for the next one.
When reality is no longer real
Understanding that the things we see on the TV, in films and on the internet are often glorified versions of reality would help. When I was growing up, I understood that fairy tales were just stories and that pop stars were actually ordinary people underneath it all. However, fake news and pictures were very few and far between and therefore much more of what was seen could be taken for granted.
Empathy and even perhaps a simple reality check is required in all age groups. Understanding that the reality shows of today are about as far from reality as you could get, is difficult for many to grasp. Especially if it is something an individual has grown up with. I’m not even sure what ‘make believe’ means anymore.
How do we make things better?
Understanding that labels are different to tags is a starting point. A label puts an individual into a box which often has the lid very much closed. It doesn’t encourage people to grow or to flourish and denotes a static description.
Companies that appreciate and recognize the different characteristics are also the ones that show the most empathy to their workers. They do not work on an elitist level and are unlikely to promote divas or divos to the detriment of others.
In fact, this is how they find the real ‘stars’ of the show. They allow an individual to promote themselves as they are, recognizing that there are plenty of others out there who are interested. This is often how ‘Plain’ Jane and ‘Mediocre’ Robert get to top the charts in both popularity and earnings. They use their personality and real time characteristics to engage with their fans. People really do see more than just the front cover and discover that there are some truly beautiful and amazing people within.
So, the next time a ‘Jane’ or a ‘Robert’ apply to become the next influencer or model on your site, remember they do have a personality. More to the point, that personality is most likely what will make both them, and your company revenue.
Love Carla x
Have you ever ‘sexted’ someone?
Sexting, or the sending and receiving of sexually explicit photos, messages or videos on mobile devices, is a trend that doesn’t seem to be going away. Compared with Adam & Eve’s survey results from 10 years ago, adults seem to have embraced the virtual habit.
When asked if they engaged in sexting, 42% of the respondents admitted they had, compared to only 17% in 2011. While 46% of those polled said they did not sext, that is significantly lower than the 56% polled in 2011 who said they did not. Additionally, 12% of recent respondents preferred not to answer, versus only 2% in 2011.
“Sexting can be a fun, flirty way to let your significant other know you are thinking of them during the day or when you are separated by distance,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, resident sexologist at Adam & Eve. “As a method of foreplay, sexting can set the mood and let your partner know exactly what’s on your mind. I encourage sexting participants to remember that naughty photos and fantasies don’t take the place of consent or communication.”
They also found that the prevalence of sexting increases with age among adolescents, but not among adults, and that people who are in a relationship are more likely to engage in sexting. These results suggest that, contrary to popular belief, young adults are more likely to engage in sexting than teenagers, and sexting may be a common behavior in established young adult relationships.
Sexting and other factors
The research found that:
· Females were more likely than males to feel pressured to send sexts;
· People who send and receive sexts are more likely to be sexually active; People who send and receive sexts are more likely to engage in sexual risk-taking behaviour (e.g., unprotected sex, alcohol and drugs); and
· People who had sent or received sexts regarded sexting more positively than those who hadn’t.
Some of the study’s reviewed looked at demographic factors such as race, sexual orientation, education or employment status but results were mixed and no clear associations between these factors and sexting were able to be determined.
The web-based survey, conducted by an independent third party survey company, of over 1,000 American adults age 18 and up, was sponsored by Adam & Eve to study sexual preferences and practices.
New Dating Trend Prioridating
You don’t need to hold your sex, dating, love, or relationship life hostage for a perfect someone. Newsflash! No one is perfect. The quest for the best one has left many suitable people blue-ticked.
How Prioridating Works?
Everywhere you turn online, there are relationship goals and new dating standards. If you follow them, no one will ever be good enough for you. And if you’re a perfectionist, you’ll be too fantastic for everyone else. What is the middle ground? Prioridating!
The term was coined by dating coach Laurel House, a relationship expert at eHarmony, and it’s all about prioritizing yourself and your primary needs in order to find and build a healthy, lasting relationship. “Prioridating is dating on purpose, the purpose being to find someone who fulfills the one most important thing you need in a relationship,” House explains. “Historically, many people have dated based on a list of wants. Many of those wants are being superficial or not thoroughly thought through, as opposed to core values and relationship-sustaining needs that will impact your future.”
“What’s your number one most important priority when it comes to finding a partner? Determine that, and you WILL find and fulfill your need. Your one most important thing might be Safe- physical, emotional, financial safety. It might be feeling Cared For, or Romance, or a Partner, or Fun, or Friendship, or Adventure, or Family. Whatever your one priority is, you must align with it. Your conversations, associations, thoughts, actions, attitude must all align with the Priority of being, feeling, experiencing, living that Priority.”
“PrioriDating is about you- your life, your experience of life, based on your perspective, created by your past experiences, that shaped who you are and what you need moving forward. It’s time to own and show up as the Priority and with your Priority in mind and in action. Once you define and align with your priority, you have a better chance at discovering and fulfilling your needs — first (and most importantly) within yourself and then within a partner. Win-win-win.” — Laurel House.
Before you think everyone’s just going to be like “I want someone hot,” that’s actually proven to no longer be the case. According to Match’s 2021 Singles in America study, 22 percent of people don’t really care about “physical attractiveness” in a partner, which is a 12 percent increase from 2020. On the flip side, 84 percent of singles want someone they can confide in and 83 percent want to be with someone “emotionally mature.”
If the years the study took place made you double-take, that’s because the pandemic had a clear impact on what people are now looking for when it comes to love. While that era seemed like an endless hell of Zoom dates and Skype calls, in reality, it prompted the majority of singles to re-evaluate their concept of relationships. With so much time spent chatting and connecting in isolation, people realized the value in qualities like humour, open-mindedness, and effective communication over more superficial traits like physical attractiveness and lifestyle, says Lozano. You know, things that really stand out during a global crisis!
Prioridating is not settling.
You deny your deepest desires. You don’t have to be this person who resents others for getting what they deserve. Someone’s looks, height, or bank account won’t matter when you need emotional support. It’s true.
I had a friend who said she could carry her baby’s looks. Why would she say this? We were being picky about how her man looked. But she knew he was a supportive guy. And would not question her decision because of something frivolous.
It is not settling. Why?
You aren’t expecting the world of your partner. Because you have removed society’s checklist to use for comparisons. So, choosing them doesn’t feel like settling. And you can always self-confirm your choice when external people criticize your decision.
How can prioridating work for you?
Pick someone who meets your current priority. But this person is also self-developing. By then, they should have grown to meet your new needs.
For example, you require support. You picked a supportive partner, but they don’t have it together financially. It’s okay, for now, because they are building their startup or returning to school. Years later, you can evaluate your needs and your partner’s ability to meet them.
On paper, that sounds terrible. But in a relationship, you will do this evaluation, anyway. That’s why people regret who they married or their age at first marriage or child. Prioridating allows for planning to reduce regrets.
Your partner complements you. They do not complete you.
If you want to align with a partner, aim to be that person for yourself first. If you have trauma and this isn’t possible, give yourself the grace to grow emotionally.
Will genetics progress make sex bygone?
According to Hank Greely, the director of Stanford Law School’s Center for Law and Biosciences, human reproduction may become automated faster than you realize.
Greely believes that within three decades, people will no longer have sex as a way to reproduce, and instead rely on genetically edited embryos grown from skin-derived stem cells, not the combination of an egg or sperm, The Independent reported.
According to Greely, this process ensures that the embryo is free from any devastating genetic diseases, and would also be cheaper in the long run because of the money it would save in healthcare over the years. What’s more, Greely predicts that couples would be able to choose other genetic traits in their children, such as physical features and intelligence.
“I don’t think we’re going to be able to say this embryo will get a 1550 on its two-part SAT,” Greely said this week at Aspen Ideas Festival, Quartz reported, “But, this embryo has a 60% chance of being in the top half, this embryo has a 13% chance of being in the top 10%—I think that’s really possible.”
This may sound far-fetched, but the gap between sex and procreation has been widening for the past 50 years thanks to the rise of fertility drugs, embroynic genetic testing, artificial insemination and in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Over the last ten years in the UK, egg freezing has increased tenfold, from just under 230 cycles in 2009 to almost 2,400 cycles in 2019. IVF birth rates in 2019 were three times higher than in 1991, and the use of egg and sperm donors has risen, too. “Now, maybe three or four per cent of the babies born in the developed world are conceived in some manner other than sexual intercourse, and I think in the future that percentage will go up,” Greely adds.
When scientists figure out how to make this work for humans, infertile and queer couples could have biological babies without needing to go through costly and risky procedures like IVF, donors or surrogates. Single people, meanwhile, could produce ‘uni babies’, using both eggs and sperm grown from their cells.
The idea may sound far-out, but according to Quartz, it already happens on a much smaller and limited scale as a way to prevent certain diseases. Although extremely expensive at the moment, advances in stem cell technology will help to drive down the cost. In addition, the amount that the government would save on not having to take care of sick babies would also make this more cost-efficient.
As many of you may worry, this is not the end of sex because recreational sex will always be with us, but it’s the end of sex as a way of procreating.
It will not be the complete end. People will still get pregnant the old-fashioned way, maybe for religious reasons, for philosophical reasons, for romantic reasons or maybe because they are teenagers and the back seat of the car is there.
“Eugenics is a slippery word; it means many things to different people. To some, it’s state-enforced reproductive control. To some, what we had was state-enforced sterilization. To some, it’s any kind of reproductive choice, but those are different things. For me, I think coercion is much more important than the issues of selection. The concern about the state or the insurance company or someone else, forcing you to pick particular babies, worries me a lot more than having parents make choices, though that raises its own set of questions.” Greely said.